It’s reflection time so I decided to blog a little. I’ve been at Encounter now since Sunday. Encounter is a fantastic experience but it does tend to shake you up (in a good way). My naturally introverted ways are really standing out while I get used to all these strangers who I’ll soon come to love as brothers and sisters. Crowds freak me out initially and I tend to wander off on my own a lot. The irony is that I really love people, I like spending time with them, I love a good chat and having a laugh. So at the moment there’s a tension between my love for people and my need to be alone sometimes until I get used to the crowd, so I end up being lonely.
I’ve been wondering why it is that crowds freak me out so much. I can’t blame it all on me being introverted, all that really means is that I need to recharge by being alone every so often. I think it’s that crowds are often people who don’t know me well so I feel a pressure to construct a good image of myself for them - I’m afraid that I might come across as less than perfect and only human. I end up coming off as aloof and cold. Some people that I love very much started out thinking that I didn’t like them at all because of the way I acted when we first met, just because I was trying desperately not to make any mistakes and didn’t know how to act.
For the friends that can still remember the first time we met just please think back to how I was - very quiet, not wanting to intrude in any way. Everything about me said “don’t mind me, you won’t even know I’m here” (even when you invited me as a guest). If we ate or drank together in that first meeting think back to what I had - something bland and tidy, nothing too complicated, nothing I could make a mess of. Do you remember the plain chicken sandwiches, the bottles of water? Yeah, I was trying to be careful, to not make a mess.
Introversion is not a sin, but living as though I am neither loved by God or by my brothers and sisters in this wonderful family is and I repent of that. I will dare to risk making an ass out of myself in loving other people and enjoying them and in loving God and enjoying Him.
I’m keeping the running up while I’m here. One of the mentors here has a couple of marathons under his belt and we went for a run on Monday. It felt like about 3 miles but I’m not sure because I didn’t take my Nike + stuff since I felt that would be a bit anti-social for my first run with company. Part of the run was on the beach here at Greystones and that was really hard, the sand is so soft and running over it was pretty hard on my legs. I’ve decided to abandon numbering my running days while I’m here at Greystones because I won’t be blogging that often and it could get very un-natural trying to refer to Day X and Day Y.
Weird day running wise. Weird but good. I hadn’t run since Monday and since then I’ve done a lot of travelling. Also, today I was considering not running either because I was going to give blood. Later in the day I found out that the mobile blood transfusion clinic had moved on from Clonmel so running was back on. I was still feeling pretty tired and could have easily nodded off but I decided to go for a run and try out my new shoes (Nike Pegasus + 2007) and Nike +. I was really expecting a bad run - new shoes, eating rubbish because I wasn’t expecting to run, feeling dehydrated and tired after travelling, not having run since Monday - but it was my best run yet. I ran the usual 5K (and a bit) and did it in 32:29, which I know is still in the slow beginners category but it’s a big improvement for me. The new shoes feel fine and Nike + seems pretty nifty but I do need to calibrate it a bit because it said my run was 5.74K.
I head off the Greystones for Encounter on Sunday. I’m really looking forward to it but I am nervous about leading this year, I was expecting that though, so it’s ok. Lots of packing to do.
Great news! I’ve been accepted for the SWIM programme! Exactly which church I’ll be serving at still has to be worked out yet. I mentioned that MCC would be my first choice in the interview and I really hope that’s where they send me. Keep praying.
No running today. I’m thinking of either focusing on weights or stretching. It’s funny, considering how much more flexible I used to be when I did karate, you’d think I’d do a lot of stretching before each run but I’ve only been doing the minimum amount. I think I’d benefit from spending more time stretching before each run as well as having maybe a day or two each week for stretching.
Ran the 5K again today. This should have been my day for cross-training or rest but I thought I had to go to Dublin tomorrow for another Encounter Summer Staff training day. I wasn’t thinking and got my days mixed up, the training days are Wednesday and Thursday. Thinking that I wouldn’t get to run for another two days I decided to run today. I had passed the half way mark before I worked this out so I kept going. I was a bit slow today and it wasn’t the best of runs. I was plodding for a lot of it and something was up with my right foot, I think it was the way I put my shoe on. I finished the run in 35:25.
Cross-training is still something I have to experiment with, I’m thinking of focusing either on weights or cycling. I guess it will wait for tomorrow.
No running yesterday because I had to go to Dun Laoghaire for an Encounter Summer Staff training day. It was a good day but I was feeling rough because I didn’t get much sleep and all the travelling lately is taking its toll on me. My tiredness and initial uneasiness around crowds made me kind of distant toward my friends. I’ll be glad when all of this tying up of loose ends at work and home is over and I can settle into Encounter properly.
I suppose it’s good to have days off between runs anyway.
Today I ran the usual 5K (and a bit) and finished around the same time. By the time I had finished fumbling with the stopwatch on my iPod it said 35:16. I did have to jog on the spot for a bit to wait for a car to pass. Looking back to laugh and make a rude gesture at a dog that was chasing me may have slowed me down too.
First day back running after three days off today. I figured it would be tough and was prepared to even have to walk a bit so I chose the nice 5K that starts and ends with my home, the one with the nice scenery. I managed to make it all the way around, running all the way, and I ran a bit further than usual at one stage extending the route to 5.4 K (3.36 miles) according to Google Earth 5.21 K (3.24) according to MapMyRun.com. It’s kind of hilly but I really enjoy that route. My time was about 35:15 which … is… good? I don’t know, I’ve not really been good at tracking my times so I can’t tell you if that’s a personal best or anything but it was faster than I thought it’d be.
I won’t be able to run tomorrow because I have to go to Dublin again for an Encounter training day (I’m a team leader this year).
I haven’t heard back about my SWIM interview yet, the waiting is maaadening!
I’m tired, I’ve done a lot of travelling since Tuesday. Tuesday morning I took a bus from Clonmel to Dublin, then when I was in Dublin I took a train to Maynooth to stay with my friends Kevin and Claire. Wednesday morning I took a train back to Dublin, then a bus to Belfast, then after my SWIM interview at Church House I took a bus back to Dublin and had smoothies with my friend Carmel before getting the bus to Cahir. I was planning on running again today but I’m so tired and stiff from travelling I decided to just walk home from work today.
I think my interview at the Board of Youth and Children’s Ministry went well. They said they’d let me know if I’ve been approved for the SWIM programme as soon as possible. I hate the waiting, but that’s all I can do right now.
Ah, the waiting game sucks. Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos!
According to my running schedule today is my day off where I can either walk or do some kind of cross training. Yesterday I ran the 5K route I had mapped out and it felt great. It’s a really nice run with some great scenery (baby sheep and cows!) and it starts and ends with my front door so I really enjoyed it. Running the 5K is no longer the hard slog it used to be. The fear of imminent death through some sort of chest explosion has passed and now I’m free to enjoy the run.
Anyway, today I was supposed to take it easy, and that’s what I ended up doing. I had planned to break with the schedule and run anyway since I won’t be able to run tomorrow or Wednesday. So I wore my runners and tracksuit pants to work and ran home. I would have gone further but home was as far as I got. The pain in my calf muscles going up the steep hill just put all aspirations of running the other (less pleasant) 5K today out of my mind.
Although the route that I can run home from work is harder it does have it’s benefits. If I want to get home from work I have to run (or walk or put someone out by calling for a lift) so it’s fairly easy to stick to that routine. I don’t have to drag myself out of bed or anything.
So today was a lazy day, I might end up regretting it on Thursday when I come back after two days off and a lot of travelling by bus.
Hello! I’m still alive. Hurrah! I’ve been a bit busy, far busier than I thought I’d be this week. I imagined things would slow down after last Wednesday, which is when I handed in the last of my assignments at the IBI but I was wrong. Everything seems to be happening this week. I have books to finish reading, trips to take, policies to read, forms to fill in, an interview in Belfast to go to, a training day to attend, work to finish up, a replacement to train in… I’m going to be busy for a while.
I have some big things going on but also a lot of little things that cannot be ignored but here’s a run-down of some of the big things happening to me at the moment.
SWIM
First and foremost among the big, life-changing things is SWIM (click here for more info in a previous post). I’ve been encouraged and decided to go all out for this. Serving at MCC (the “friend’s church” mentioned in that previous post) for a year would be my dream job at the moment. The optimism of my friends and their patience with my often Eeyore-like personality has convinced me that raising the support I need is possible. Some very kind people have contributed already leaving the total amount I have left to raise at somewhere between €2,000 and €3,000. The support and encouragement I’ve already received has been amazing and I’m hopeful that I can make it. I haven’t taken any actual money from people yet because I still have to be approved by the Board of Youth and Children’s Ministry. My interview with the Board is on Wednesday in Belfast. I am nervous because I don’t really know what to expect. Also I’ve never been to Belfast before but thankfully my friend and mentor, Peter and his wonderful wife Christine will be there that day anyway and can meet me when I get off the bus. Please pray that I’ll give a good account of myself and be approved to serve at MCC. I’m hoping that the fund raising I’ve already done will show the Board that I’m serious about the programme.
Encounter
I’ll be starting my short-term mission work with World Harvest Mission Ireland. I’ll be co-leading a team of volunteers at the Anchorage in Ringsend, Dublin. The Anchorage is such an unusual and brilliant place. Basically the trustees of an old, run-down church meeting hall left it to a local man Joe because he was the only local Christian they knew. Left with a big, dilapidated hall and no idea what to do with it Joe asked God for help. This passage came to Joe’s mind and so, with no horticultural experience, Joe started growing flowers and breeding birds (and rabbits). Years later Joe’s an expert in both and sells the flowers and animals to raise money for the third world and improve his community. When I was there last year as a volunteer we planted flowers locally at the community centre, the retirement home, the women’s shelter and a few housing estates, we distributed free New Testaments door-to-door, carried out a survey to see if people would be interested in attending an Alpha course and helped out at the kids club. It’s a very exciting place to serve and I’m looking forward to doing it again this year, but I’m a bit nervous about being a leader.
Running
I think I’ve got the running bug. I started running about a month ago. I was browsing online and I read an article somewhere about some Maasai who were competing in the London Marathon. They ran in sandals made from old car tires. Back home they run everyday with their cattle and they said the marathon would be easy because there are no lions. Compared to these guys I’m like a different, more sedentary species. So, without setting my sites on a marathon or anything, I decided I’d try to run the 3/4 of a mile home from work. My first run was a crushing disappointment. I thought I could run 3/4 of a mile easy but I couldn’t even make it half of the way. I had a lot of excuses for myself - it’s up a steep hill, I didn’t warm up enough, I tried to run too fast, I had tuberculosis when I was a child, blah, blah, blah… The fact remains I was in much more need of regular exercise than I’d imagined. So next day I tried again, setting little markers for myself to keep me going but before I knew it I’d ran out of markers and had made it home without stopping. At times you could have past me walking because I was only technically running in that at one point in my gait I had both feet off the ground.
Since then I’ve been running regularly and increasing the distance steadily. I’ve mapped out a nice 5K route that starts and ends with my home and another for when I run home from work. I think I’ve made good progress and it feels great to get out and get the exercise. I’d like to aim for a race next, a 5K is certainly doable but I don’t see a lot of them around here so I might have to keep training until I can do a 10K. I’m considering blogging regularly about my running.
IBI
Wednesday is the last day of studies at the IBI but I won’t be able to make it that day because of my interview in Belfast. We have an end of year party on Tuesday, which I should be able to make it to. This is the end of an era for me since my course is finished now but I do expect they’ll see me back at IBI soon, probably for modular or evening studies.
My MAP Journal is now closed. I’ve finished my portfolio and I hand it all in tomorrow. There’ll be little if any changes around here because I plan to keep up blogging. MAP or no MAP, I’ll always be an apprentice.
Really busy this week, proper blogging will resume shortly.
